Quips and Snips and Quotes for Every Occasion

My husband has heard me bewail that I can't find an appropriate quote or toast for my ToastMasters' assignment and kindly bought me a book called The Friars' Club Bible of Jokes, Pokes, Roasts and Toasts for Christmas.

I appreciate the gesture, but I don't believe that the "jibes" in this book are the sort of inspiring words that are fostered by Toastmasters.