Faux Pas: Putting People On The Spot

There is a great deal of civility built into Toastmasters... old fashioned courtesy and politeness, courtliness and kindness.

I really blew it last week. It was my 10th speech and I did it on "The Big Question" as in 'asking the important question'. I thought it would be clever to go around the table and commend my Clubmates for what I thought I knew of one or two of the important questions they have asked themselves.

Well, I assumed a lot.

Sure, I won the Best Speaker award that night, but the next day I received an email from one of my Clubmates who was not impressed by my having used her as an example without having asked her permission, or at least having warned her, initially. I felt awful, but obviously not as awful as she felt. I apologized for my insensitivity and we resolved the matter. This was a real humbling learning experience for me... even though I'm 57 years old, I still make the kind of mistakes that I used to chastise my children for making.

I received some wonderful feedback from a long-time toastmaster who just dropped in to the meeting (she was in our town visiting her brother). She wrote: "Instead of guessing questions that individuals have (I thought this was so clever and would be so entertaining) state the suggested question. Ask how many have asked themselves that question-- that way no one is put on the spot." Wow, this is really something I will take to heart!

The Power of Asking Questions

I'm putting together my next Speech (#10 towards my Competent Communicator designation) based on Tony Robbins' suggestion in his book Awaken the Giant Withinthat we use Empowering Questions to bring ourselves along the path to successfully achieving our goals...

AND

being the multi-tasker that I am, I am also looking up possible homeopathic solutions for bites on my leg (they're itchy-- looks like I should be using some Rhus Tox, but apparently not with Apis, since they are hostile towards each other.) I also decided to dip into some of the current webtraining I am doing. That led to a scan of the Concise Oxford dictionary for possible redirect website names. And while doing that, I came across the following Swedish athletic term I have never before heard:

Fartlek, n. (Athl.), method of training for middle- and long-distance running, in which athlete runs over country, mixing fast with slow work. [Sw. (fart speed, lek play)]

I'm not sure if this is a very useful and empowering question or not, but I'll ask it: who knew?

Tonight I'm the Timer

For some members, the "Timer" would be a sort of fundamental, introductory leadership task at the Toastmaster meeting.

For me-- my stomach is in knots and my mind threatens to go blank.

I am one of those right brain lead folks who finds numbers-- and that includes 'time'-- causes stress.

I am going over the Manual with detailed notes so that I can manage to pull this off without passing out or embarrassing myself in some other way.

This is how I am breaking it down:
(1)I am stressed. I have negative images of what MIGHT happen (catastrophes) that could well become what my unconscious picks up as a command. Instead I am going to create positive images including:
**********I am cheerful and calm. I arrive early at the meeting and help with the set-up (I am also the Greeter and Ballot Counter)
**********I set up the timing equipment with no glitches.
**********The VP-Education has put together a clear and easy-to-follow Agenda with all the timing marked.
**********Before the Meeting begins, I ask a member to evaluate my role as Time-keeper and ask the scheduled speakers how long each of their speeches will last.
**********I have a pad of paper next to the timing equipment so that I am able to jot down what I need to jot down and recite it. I also have brief notes to explain what I must say to introduce the role of Timer.
**********Timer is also supposed to signal the Chair, Toastmaster and Table Topics Master with red when they have reached their allotted time. Need to check this out in advance.
**********I will come up with some clever titles for the various Table Topics folks as I time them (the last Timer was particularly good at that)